Run All The States!

I’m a grown adult with bills, a 401(k), and a favorite spatula. And yet, nothing could have prepared me for my first-ever trip to Disney World — a land where dreams come true, personal space disappears, and a giant talking mouse is somehow your spiritual guide. And yes, it really is the happiest place on Earth — except maybe for that one mile next to the water treatment plant. But we’ll get to that.

The dream was planted a few years back at the Detroit Free Press Marathon expo, where my bestie Cara and I wandered by the runDisney booth. It was love at first medal. We were dazzled by the character bling and enchanted by the idea of racing through all the parks while high-fiving Disney royalty. We walked away starry-eyed, vowing, “We’re doing this someday.”

Well, “someday” finally happened.

And because moderation is for quitters, I signed up for Goofy’s Race and a Half Challenge: a half marathon and a full marathon on back-to-back mornings. That’s 39.3 miles of magic, mayhem, and mid-race character selfies while sleep-deprived and possibly hallucinating in the Florida heat. My only goal was to have fun and finish upright — no matter if I was the last one on the course and had to sweep up afterwards.

First-timer Festivities

We flew in Thursday to get some pre-race goofing off in before the official Goofy-ness began. At Disney’s Caribbean Beach Resort, the chipper cast members handed us “First Visit” buttons — which instantly turned us into excitable 8-year-olds trapped in adult bodies. We spent the day at Magic Kingdom hugging Mickey, posing with Minnie, curtseying to princesses, and generally setting a new personal record for girliest activity per hour. We also met Chip ‘n’ Dale, who bowed to us like we were royalty (possibly because we wore tiaras… and possibly because we encouraged it).

The 85º+ Florida weather was a welcome change from Michigan winter — though we both pretended it wouldn’t be hellish to run in. Spoiler: it would be tough. But in the moment, everything was pure Disney-flavored nostalgia. And maybe sugar.

Half Marathon: Sparkle or Die Trying

Alarms went off at 2:45 a.m. (yes, seriously) so we could hop a shuttle to the race start by 3:30. We wore tiaras, rainbow tutus, and Tinkerbell wings like it was totally normal to do that before dawn.

Fireworks launched us into the darkness, and off we went, grinning like fools and stopping for every single photo opp. Ariel! Jack Sparrow! Belle! Other characers I’m not familiar with! The course wound through Magic Kingdom — sunrise at Cinderella’s Castle was such an incredible sight. Main Street USA was packed with happy runners and spectators, so we stopped for a couple pictures of the Castle and to pose with our new suffragette friends. We also chest-bumped at a few magical mile markers, because the adrenaline and fun were flowing. After exiting the park (I didn’t want to leave!), we trotted along until we hit the crowd-filled finish inside Epcot. We skipped across the finish line sweaty, sparkly, and extremely pleased with ourselves. 13.1 magical miles complete!

We celebrated by strolling through Animal Kingdom that afternoon and then watching the Magic Kingdom evening fireworks with the same wide-eyed wonder as the toddlers next to us. So much sparkle and magic and Disney-induced emotional overload.

The Marathon: Goofy’s Revenge

A couple hours of sleep later (I mentioned I didn’t care about performing well, right?), I was back on a shuttle at 3:30 a.m. for Day 2 of Goofy’s wild ride. I ran this one solo while Cara planned to meet me at the finish.

More fireworks and a countdown from Mickey himself started us off! It was going to be another hot, steamy day, so I was focused on getting in as many miles as I could before the sun came up. Fortunately, I could cruise through the Magic Kingdom since I had already snapped some photos with the same loveable characters the previous day. Also, there were noticeably fewer participants for the marathon versus the half, so the lines for the characters were much shorter. Win-win.

And then… a celebrity moment. Joey Fatone — yes, of NSYNC fame — running right next to me in the Magic Kingdom parking lot. I had vaguely remembered reading that he was doing the Goofy Challenge, but one does not expect to see boy band members actually on the course with you. We high-fived. I ascended to another plane of existence and briefly considered retiring from running on this high note.

I was feeling surprisingly good through these Magic Kingdom miles, and also through the Walt Disney World Speedway racetrack (hi Herbie!), and Animal Kingdom. Around mile 18, when the sun turned into a vengeful fireball and I entered the blurry zone of “I might be hallucinating.” I don’t remember too much about the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex, other than we got to run along the warning track inside Champion baseball stadium, which was actually kinda cool. The voluntEARS handed out pleasingly cool sponges to help delay our inevitable heat stroke and keep us going.

Since it was the 20th anniversary of the Disney World Marathon, they had promised something SPECTACULAR at Mile 20. Giant character puppets of Lumiére, Tigger, and Aladdin towered over us. It really was a spectacular display (not to mention impressive balance and coordination). Best of all was that the whole gang — Mickey, Donald, and Goofy — were on hand for photo opps. I know it looks like I’m flipping Goofy off in this photo, but I swear I’m not. The heat was baking my brain, so I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

The last 10K was… eternal. But each step was one step closer to the confetti-filled finish. Green army man yelled motivational encouragements (or made you do pushups, depending on your attitude) right before we hit Hollywood Studios. I stopped for a sweaty selfie with Wreck-It Ralph. I shuffled through Hollywood Studios. Then it was onto the boardwalk and finally entering Epcot for the grand finale.

I plodded along the various regions of Epcot and kept going through the final stretch where wall-to-wall people cheered us on. I found Cara in the crowd then made a beeline to Goofy for a finish-line high-five. I crossed the finish with a wide smile, confetti swirling around me, and possible heat-induced hallucinations. It’s over, I did it! 39.3 miles! And oh all the shiny, pretty hardware I earned!

Recovery Mode: World Showcase Edition

We celebrated by drinking around the world at the Epcot World Showcase, an important part of any post-race recovery for elite athletes like us. We cheers’d with margaritas in Mexico, sipped Grey Goose slushies in France, and gulped pints of beer in Germany. We made it through as much of the globe as possible before Epcot closed for the night and kicked us out. And how else to cap another great day at Disney – with another spectacular fireworks display!

Goofy’s Race and a Half Challenge was ridiculous, exhausting, and utterly unforgettable. Would I run it again? In a heartbeat. If you’re even thinking about doing a Disney race, say yes. Go full sparkle mode. Hug the characters. Eat the Mickey waffles. And prepare to sweat like a churro left in the sun.

Magical musings and questionable moments:

• Most awkward moment: Accidentally elbowed a woman in the boob as she passed in between Cara and me. At the same moment, Cara turned to talk to me but accidentally burped… in the same woman’s face. We are America’s Sweethearts.
• Most unexpected ride choice: Two coaster-phobes somehow ended up on Space Mountain, Expedition Everest, and Big Thunder Mountain. Still recovering.
• Best cheerleaders: Happy pigs and goats greeting marathoners upon entering Animal Kingdom.
• Most astute observation: Cara on our hotel coffee: “This tastes like it was made in a bathroom.” Spoiler: it was.
• Olympian moment: A British woman ran by with the 2012 London Olympic torch, and she let me carry it for a few steps. It could’ve been fake. I choose to believe.
• Best pre-race overheard: “The family that poops together stays together.” Inspirational.
• Filthiest hands: The giant Mickey Mouse hands a spectator atop an overpass was waving around. I don’t know what Mickey had been touching, but please take those immediately to the dry cleaners.
• Most disappointing moment: Denied a pic with Snow White because we were holding beers. Dreams crushed.
• Least magical stretch: The 3 uneventful miles between Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom highlighted by a water treatment plant.
• Girliest moment: Actively seeking photographs with Disney princesses. Success.
• Medals! Medals! Medals! Each of the Donald, Goofy, and Mickey medals is amazing in itself, but the marathon one is my favorite. It’s a special anniversary edition with a spinny inner medallion (featuring both new Mickey and classic Mickey), and it reminds me of my dad, a Mickey fan who passed in 2009. That one’s for you, Dad.